On nights like these,
when you question everything you held on to.
I hope these words I write, finds you.
It finds you and embraces all of you and yourself.
That it’s okay to believe in something that might or might not exist.
But it is very important that you still ‘BELIEVE’

– Abirami Pillai




To all the almosts of my life

To all the friendships I almost made

To all the words I almost said

To all the books I almost read

To all the movies I almost watched

To all the music I almost listened

To all the poems I almost wrote

To all the coffee dates I almost went

To all the places I almost visited

To all the goodbyes I almost said

To the stranger whom I almost fell in love with

To all the almost “I love yous”,

To all the almosts of my life

Just know that you are momentous to me; now & Forever.

–          Abirami Pillai





Did your mind finally accepted the fact that your heart still longs for me in the night or is it still denying just like old days?

When your heart screamed from top of its voice to you and whereas your mouth didn’t mumbled a single thing?

It’s true that your heart found an impeccable calm in this disastrous storm and it didn’t wanted it to stop;

Maybe that’s why it didn’t wanted to say anything.

And your brain kept shrieking  all the things you never wanted to hear.

Moreover you even started to believe it all and you denied the love until the end.

But your heart knows that aint true; because eyes never lie, or do they?

You didn’t think there existed a heart inside you until fell in love or did you?

– Abirami Pillai

Happiness & Sadness……

Shooting stars and the night sky

Shooting stars and night sky

He said “The dark night sky resembles the sadness and pain of our life and whereas happiness, it’s more like the shooting star you know short and magical; but remember one thing you can’t view any shooting stars without the dark sky.”

Our Sadness is very much essential to enjoy our happiness.

– Abirami Pillai

Art by PascalCampion


Passion Of An Old Soul

I am not like other people believe me, I am not ;

I don’t have much but even if I had all the things, I won’t brag about it;

All I do have is my soul and it is alive.

You see my soul, it wants something else.

Something more than meaningless conversation.

It needs something more than temporary people

It aches for something real and my soul is and always have been old school.

It also knows time changes and people have to change with it but it doesn’t believe in modern love values.

It aches for something passionate that would kill me but also make me feel alive at a same time.

My soul doesn’t settles for ordinary things that’s why every night I stay awake lonely and try to make sense  of all the things in my head, heart , people and sometimes universe.

At times my soul believes there exists people:

Who would love a mixtape from someone,

Who would prefer letters instead of text messages,

Who would love to run on empty beaches barefoot,

Who are little more alive at rather than in daylight,

Who would gaze at stars hopelessly to fall in love with someone, someday,

Who would sing their heart tune even if there is nothing cheerful to sing about,

Who would die for you.

My soul still believes that this kind of people do exist;

And if I keep looking for eventually I will find them or more better I will become like them.

You see these kind of people make the world more alive;

These kind of people make more sense to me,

People who come and show to you that even the stars can be counted.

And the only ones worth dying for.


The day I graduated!

Being a nerd,bookworm, geek I loved going to school, and getting education. I was always curious and enthusiastic to learn new things.May be that’s why  I took Science in my Junior year college because I wanted to learn about things. After my Junior college, I took Computer Science as my major in Bachelor’s. I like the way compute works, I still consider it as some sort of magic even though I understand the logic behind how it actually works. The thing about learning is I never really got tired of it and maybe that’s why I was so keen on my studies and being graduate. So I was 200% sure of completing my degree and never took a worry of any bit. But Life play its own card, right?

The day – sorry it was declared at night was one of the night I wont forget ever in my life. I saw my results and it showed as Unsuccessful and I was shocked because in my whole life I didn’t what was I supposed to feel or do if I ever failed in exam.Should I cry? How to say to my parents? What will happen now, will it be end of the my world? Even though my friend didn’t believed I failed in my exams; he was supportive but I hated him for a moment there u know; my exams went far better than him.I said to my parents and I started sobbing till I could fell asleep. You known when your only dreams shatter to pieces, a piece of you dies little  at that moment. Somehow when I woke up that morning I asked to my self can’t I be sleeping like and deny this reality. For days I  kept crying. I kept crying at night, at trains, at my office, during lunch even in my dreams.I kept crying until all my tears were none. I was coping up with reality and doing all the further process like submitted for revaluation and re-exam yet I kept thinking why this kind of reality  existed. I kept checking for results but there were no luck.I lost all my hope and and started preparing my for exams.

After few months my results for revaluation were declared and this time I didn’t  even bothered to check it. I told my brother too check it and after 20 minutes I get a call from him saying “You passed” and I replied back “really.” At that moment something was perfect and somehow my heart was happy . I graduated and I don’t know how to put that feeling in exact words but I can  say it was moment of Euphoria for me.So here I am a proud graduate of Computer Science.

The day I graduated!

Funny thing about life is it throws anything at us and we have to play it really well. It could give you life time of happiness in single second or even worse life long of sadness too.Its all up to us how we take it in and live it.