We were fifth-grade lovers who never knew
the meaning of love yet fell for each other
like one of love cliched romantic movie .

The school was over and so came summer holidays.

You were leaving for your grandma’s place.
I can still remember how that day felt
Like someone spread all the blues over the sky.

Before parting you uttered the words, and waved good-bye,
“I like the absence of you, I feel in my bones.”
That summer this line became my only gospel.

All May, I was reading different books on love
whichever I could find in my father’s library
to understand what you meant by “like”, “absence”, “bones”, “feel”
I couldn’t.

As we started, we ended too.
Unlike other people, we didn’t cry or ranted.

We buried the longing and loving inside of us
silence became our only language.

And the world never knew about that summer,
our playlist, our letters, our fifth-grade romance.
Years passed, leaves withered.

We aren’t fifth graders anymore.

You live in some other corner of the world
with three different time zones away

It doesn’t make sense to see the moon at night
because you might be looking at the sun.

Today in the morning I read in the newspaper,
an old couple who were married for thirty-seven years
got divorced in New York

When asked for a reason, he said he couldn’t feel her at all.
I wonder how come one can feel another person,
is it even possible.
I wonder how come one can feel another person,
is it even possible.

Then I remembered something

In Uber rides,
parents smile,
on drunk nights,
random movie dates,
kissing stranger’s tongue,
railway stations,
waiting rooms,
I understand what you meant by when you said those words,
And I whisper to my self “I can feel the absence of you  in my bones.”

-Abirami Pillai


2 : 41 a.m.

I look you with an awe,  
how lovely you wrap  
the sadness around you.  
You greet it, cry with it, sing with it  
and talk about all your childhood memories with it.  
I just wished you had same  
strength to wrap happiness too.
– Abirami Pillai 
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If only they knew

If only they knew dreams are harder to carry than regrets.
If only they knew fatherhood is as hard as motherhood.
If only they knew how hard it takes  for non-believer to believe in God
And those who believe, hardly pray anymore.
If only they knew that the loudest screams are somehow unheard too.
If only they knew the one who stands out tries so hard to fit in.
If only they knew that humans are capable of destroying anything, anytime
but still can’t save what we love.
If only they knew how ugly death can be.
If only they knew life is ephemeral and it isn’t definitely perpetual.
If only they knew this, if only

“The world would have been better than what it is today.”
– Abirami Pillai

Conveying Love

Conveying Love

Sometimes, it astonishes me
the way you convey “I love you”
without saying those words.

Like the extra juice can you bought for me;
when I clearly didn’t ask for one.

Putting on my favorite TV channels
even though the remote is yours tonight.

Giving up your sleep because I can’t sleep.

The pauses you take before,
you spilt harsh truth before me.

How I keep humming the song you hate,
yet you never cringe!

Even after years, you look at me like
I am the only thing you ever saw.

Love, sometimes it astonishes me,
the way you convey your love
Without confessing ” I love you.”

Can there be any better way than this
to profess their love, for someone?
‘ I don’t know, love; I’m still searching.’

– Abirami Pillai


Last night while returning home;
I saw a girl crying over the staircase.
I pretended to overlook her even though,
I could see her as clear as crystal.

She was mourning over the phone, I guess.
I think she lost something or someone.

This morning while commuting to work;
I stumbled upon a beggar; he asked for alms.
He was pale and starving.
His throat was parched for clean water.

I overlooked him too;
not because I  wanted to,
but I hardly had any money on me.

As a child I used to notice everything
but as a grown up adult , now I don’t notice things.
I always overlook them, intentionally.

What good is to notice things but never able to fix them?
– Abirami Pillai

Image by Mattdixon.co.uk


On a stranding winter cold night,
You stand below thousand of stars,
And beside you is little fire to keep you enough war.

Coldplay’s Sky full of stars is playing in background.
You don’t think about past anymore;
You don’t think about future too.

You just stand there and somehow you just know,
this is what you’ve been looking your whole life.
‘Tiny Infinite Moments’.

And that day, you don’t write poetry or scribble anything.
You, yourself become one.

-Abirami Pillai

The Clarinet Man

The Clarinet man sings to me.
It goes something like this,

“Don’t try to hold things, that will leave.
Be in the moment and it will it all flow through you.”

The Clarinet man sings to me,
I sing back to him.
“I’ll try.”

– Abirami Pillai

P.S. The Clarinet Man is new statue piece that lies on my table.